This is how we do it: ‘We lie next to each other and let erotic audiobooks wash over us’

In their fifth decade as a couple, and mindful of their changing bodies, Arjun and Sandra have found a sexual rhythm to suit their needs.

Arjun 71

"There’s a ritualistic element to the Viagra-taking that I quite enjoy"

Sandra and I like to listen to audio erotica in bed. We subscribe to an App with an array of different tales, all voiced by a cast of actors. There are stories about threesomes, one-night stands and sex in exotic locations – the performances are really quite convincing. If sex is on the agenda for that evening, Sandra and I will scroll through the app until we find a story that appeals. Often, we try to resist kissing and stroking each other until the first story has ended. I use the 15-minute stories as helpful alarm clocks, to extend foreplay. I know not to initiate full intercourse until we have listened to at least two episodes.

For six years, I’ve been taking Viagra to help me maintain an erection. It seemed natural to us that a man in his mid-60s wouldn’t have the same erections as a man in his 20s, so we were able to talk freely and adapt our routine. Neither of us talks to our friends about sex at all, and perhaps that makes it easier for us to talk to each other about it. The confidentiality allows for a sort of freedom, and makes me feel unique: I am the only person who shares this with her.

"Sex isn’t as spontaneous as it was 47 years ago when we first met, but my pleasure is intensified by the pre-planning"

There’s a ritualistic element to the Viagra-taking that I quite enjoy. Several hours before bedtime, I will turn to Sandra and say, “Shall we have an early night tonight?”, which is our euphemism for lovemaking. If she says “Yes”, that’s my cue to take half a pill. It’s usually me who initiates, but not always. Sex is not as spontaneous as it was 47 years ago, when Sandra and I first met – but my pleasure is intensified by all the pre-planning. The pill marks the beginning of our ritual, and a second important part is when I load up one of our audio stories. Press the button and away we go!

Of course, the audio dialogue is a little corny sometimes, or we have to abandon a story because it’s so laughable. Recently, we listened to a story about a threesome, and hit a roadblock because the men were called Hunter and Beast. We persevered for a few minutes, but in our hearts we both knew it wasn’t going to work.

Sandra 71

"Having a vibrator in bed removes any anxiety either of us might have about whether or not I will ‘finish’"

For years, Arjun and I had a standing Sunday night “sex” engagement – which was nice, but rather predictable. When Sunday night rolled around I occasionally felt obliged to have sex, even if I was tired.

The introduction of Viagra has made our sex life more playful. Arjun might surprise me by handing me a pill at some point in the afternoon, any day of the week, and say, “Do you want to feed me my Viagra now?” If I say yes, I’ll have several hours to wait while the pill takes effect, which builds a sense of excitement. I’ll have a bath, and perhaps dress up, all the while looking forward to bedtime.It’s more erotic than simply turning to each one another in bed, last thing at night, at the end of a long week.

"We might listen to a story about a woman who begins to watch her nextdoor neighbours through the window"

I like listening to audio erotica because it requires me to use my imagination. We used to watch gentle porn videos together – what we referred to as “couples porn” – but often halfway through I’d feel put off if a storyline or a facial expression was obviously false. With audio, I get to picture the characters in my mind, so they convince me every time. There’s at least five minutes of non-sexual storyline at the beginning, which sets the scene and allows me to ease into it. Arjun and I lie next to each other and let the audio wash over us.

We make regular changes to our sexual routine, which is crucial after five decades together. Now and again Arjun presents me with a new vibrator. I am only able to achieve orgasm with a vibrator, so having one in bed removes any anxiety either of us might have about whether or not I will “finish”.

I would never mention our sex life to my friends. It might be a generational thing; my girlfriends don’t talk about it with me, either. Perhaps the privacy makes it more pleasurable. It certainly removes any sense of pressure or competition. I’m not thinking, “Oh, so-and-so has sex twice a week, why aren’t we doing that?”

Source : The Guardian