How to keep romance alive after marriage, if you live with family
Marriage counselors say that finding privacy and keeping romance alive is a common challenge for Indian couples living with their families. However, it is certainly possible to keep the spark alive.
The thought of cooking a meal together with your spouse, sneaking in playful cuddles along the way, or sharing an evening of passionate romance while curled up on the couch watching a favourite movie, are a few things many couples dream of. These dreams, however, often remain just that for couples living in joint family setups.
Couples living with families find it difficult to cherish romance-filled moments owing to a lack of privacy, constant interruptions, and some unspoken expectations. Sometimes, you don’t even have the bandwidth to think of such things because you are so engrossed in family life, children, and all its demands. Sounds like the reality of your life?
But does this mean living with family is a bad idea? No! Does it also mean that you let romance take a backseat due to family obligations? Definitely not!
Marriage counsellors say finding privacy and keeping romance alive is a common issue for Indian couples who live under the same roof as their families – as it limits privacy and intimacy and creates obstacles for meaningful couple time. Not just physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy can also take a backseat.
“Often, couples fall into routines where romance takes a backseat. This happens because their focus shifts to caregiving, household responsibilities, and managing complex family dynamics,” Dr Nisha Khanna, a Delhi-based marriage counsellor, tells India Today.
“Many clients seek counselling for these concerns. Common issues include the lack of private time, one partner prioritising time with parents over the couple’s relationship, overwhelming household responsibilities, and the pressures of living with in-laws. If children are involved, the added responsibilities can further strain the relationship,” she adds.
This dynamic can negatively impact your marriage. Such challenges can leave couples feeling overwhelmed, leading to frustration and resentment. But there is a way out, of course! All you need is an intention along with a bit of creativity.
Firstly, be intentional
You and your partner need to have an intention to keep the romance alive—only then can you create the mental space and find creative solutions. You have to sit together, talk it out, and express your expectations.
“When living with family, keeping the romance alive requires creativity and intentional effort. Couples must ensure that intimacy doesn’t take a backseat by prioritising alone time and setting boundaries with family members,” says Shahzeen Shivdasani, a Mumbai-based relationship expert and author.
Be intentional about maintaining physical intimacy.
“It requires both partners to work intentionally and proactively as a team,” adds Dr Khanna.
Set boundaries with family members
Setting boundaries with family members is essential for maintaining romance after marriage. It’s never too late to make changes for the better. Your parents or in-laws might not have prioritised such moments with their respective partners due to household responsibilities, but you don’t have to take the same route.
It is possible to respect family and have your own personal space as a couple while living in the same house.
“Designate time after everyone goes to sleep as your private moments or create a dedicated space in the house that’s just for the two of you,” suggests Shahzeen.
Communicate your need for quality time with your partner to your family, and explain it respectfully. Be consistent with your efforts, and present this as non-negotiable. To maintain balance, ensure to encourage family activities on separate occasions.
Carve out ‘us’ time – staycations, walks, date nights
Stealing those flirty, playful moments beyond the four walls of your bedroom or at unexpected times of the day might be your idea of keeping the romance alive, but there is so much more you can do to keep the spark burning.
Dr Khanna, a marriage counsellor with over 22 years of experience, recommends scheduling regular date nights or outings. This could include having lunch or dinner together, going to a movie, enjoying a long drive, or simply spending private moments as a couple. These small gestures create meaningful experiences that strengthen the bond.
“To break the monotony of being confined to the bedroom, find creative ways to add excitement while living with family. Couples could perhaps plan activities that take them out of the house, such as walks, short drives, or outdoor picnics, to enjoy private moments in a different setting. Setting up a cosy nook in the living room or balcony for intimate conversations or movie nights might create a change of scene,” suggests Delhi-based marriage counsellor Shivani Sadhoo.
If space is limited at home, plan monthly staycations to enjoy quality time together.
At least dedicate one hour to just each other, where no third party is there to interrupt.
“Couples often face challenges when one partner feels the other is overly involved with their family. To address this, I suggest dedicating at least an hour each day exclusively to each other, during which family matters are not discussed,” says Dr Khanna.
This could be your chai time in the morning, a long walk or a badminton date in the evening, or a little time on the terrace.
Little gestures matter
Give your partner a peck when they least expect it, don’t shy away from holding their hands or hugging them in front of the family. Plan those little surprises. Leave love-filled notes. These little gestures matter and can keep you two connected.
Even activities like solving a puzzle or playing board games help. You can also send playful texts, emojis, or memes to stay connected even while at home.
“Scheduling time when other family members are out or engaged may also help. Small surprises such as a home-cooked meal, surprise gifts, or planned activities can bring novelty and joy to their relationship,” suggests Shivani Sadhoo.
Intimacy is a vital part of any relationship, and living with family might mean working a bit harder to nurture it. But by being creative, working as a team, and being excited and proactive – your connection is sure to remain strong and vibrant.
Source: India Today
