Bedtime habits that are ruining your relationship (no, it's not just screen time)

Have you ever felt that your relationship is slipping through your fingers? Something you once cherished now feels hollow and distant? But who is to blame? You likely find yourself contemplating both your own and your partner's recent behaviours.

Surprisingly, it's often not the big issues that dampen the spark but rather the small, unintentional habits, especially those that occur at bedtime. Yes, your bedtime habits can significantly impact your relationship, and it's not just about looking at your phone.

Impacting the love

Bedtime habits play a crucial role in a relationship as they can significantly affect both physical and mental intimacy. The time before sleep is often one of the few moments in the day when couples can truly connect without distractions.

"Physical closeness, cuddling, spooning, holding hands, massages can release the bonding/love hormone called oxytocin, which can improve the relationship overall," Ruchi Ruuh, a Delhi-based relationship counsellor, tells India Today.

She adds that having a consistent, synchronised bedtime can help couples feel more relaxed the next day.

A relaxing bedtime can also ensure that you feel safe and cared for. This means having a good conversation before bed about your day, vulnerabilities, and desires. This can create more positive interactions in the relationship, thus building trust and understanding.

Adding to this, Mimansa Singh Tanwar, clinical psychologist, Fortis Memorial Research Institute, Gurugram, says, "How couples use the shared time before going to sleep by engaging with each other is a good predictor of their emotional intimacy."

Each couple may also have their own bedtime rituals, which add to the comfort of being around your partner. The predictable nature of these rituals can also help you sense how they may be doing. These cues are your silent whispers that deepen emotional intimacy with your partner.

Your bedtime habits can impact your relationship (Photo: Getty Images)

Austin Fernandes, psychiatrist at Dr LH Hiranandani Hospital, Mumbai, also feels that it is helpful for a couple to have positive bedtime routines because they help them feel closer to each other. Conversely, negative habits can lead to misunderstandings, feelings of neglect, and decreased intimacy.

Habits that are ruining it

"Watching TV, scrolling through social media, or working on laptops can create a barrier to communication and intimacy. The blue light from screens also affects sleep quality, which can lead to irritability and reduced patience with each other," mentions Dr Neerja Agarwal, a Gurugram-based psychologist and co-founder of the mental health startup Emoneeds.

However, it takes more than just a screen or two to disrupt the harmony of your relationship.

Some couples have quite varied sleep-wake schedules. One may like to hit the bed early while the other may prefer to stay awake until late at night.

"If this becomes a consistent pattern, couples may miss out on their shared time, conversations, snuggles, and hugs that are essential to maintain the warmth and affection in the relationship," says Mimansa Singh Tanwar.

Sleeping in separate spaces

While sleeping in separate spaces might become necessary for some couples due to snoring or different sleep preferences, it can reduce opportunities for physical closeness and intimate conversations.

Meanwhile, for couples who have kids, it is quite common for them to either take turns or for one parent to put the kids to sleep.

However, sometimes in the process, the couple may get into a habit of sleeping in different rooms, dozing off while putting their kids to sleep. Some couples are able to resume their routine by finding ways to work on it, but others may struggle to break this pattern, which may even go on for years.

Sleeping separately can create distance between you and your partner (Photo: Getty Images)

"Not only does sleeping separately reduce the emotional intimacy of spending some winding down time together, but adjusting back to the shared space again can also be a challenge, thereby affecting physical intimacy," adds Tanwar.

Neglecting physical affection

According to Neerja Agarwal, avoiding physical touch such as cuddling, hugging, or even a goodnight kiss can lead to a lack of physical intimacy, which is vital for a healthy relationship.

Ruchi Ruuh also feels that not prioritising physical affection and intimacy can lead to feelings of disconnect and resentment. It can also lay the foundation for mistrust or feeling undesirable.

Ignoring personal hygiene

The experts feel that poor personal hygiene can be a turn-off and can lead to a reduction in physical closeness.

It's essential to maintain good hygiene to keep the physical attraction alive.

Going to bed in a bad mood

It is not uncommon to have conflicts before bedtime. But going to bed in an upset, angry, or frustrated mood can affect your or your partner's quality of sleep.

Mimansa Singh Tanwar shares that it is important to recognise whether you are someone who can let go of issues and wake up refreshed, or if you carry the previous day's mood into the next. This distinction can significantly affect your relationship.

Not communicating enough

Not engaging in meaningful conversations and emotional connection before bed (especially if one partner wants it) can lead to feelings of disconnection.

As per Dr Austin Fernandes, this is one of the most common issues that couples face, as not talking about their day, feelings, or any problems could create an impression that there is no emotional connection between them.

Additionally, habits like ignoring your partner's sleep requirements or preferences can also lead to resentment.

Lastly, a lot of couples also take office work or calls to bed, which can hamper their partner's sleep schedule. Working in bed can disrupt the atmosphere of relaxation and intimacy (Sometimes, however, the opposite is also true where a sleep divorce can help your relationship).

How to save the relationship?

Set a bedtime routine together: Establish a routine that includes winding down together without electronic devices. This can include activities like reading a book, talking, or simply cuddling.

Synchronise sleep schedules: Try to go to bed at the same time whenever possible. This helps in ensuring that you have time to connect and unwind together.

Create a tech-free zone: Make the bedroom a no-screen zone. This encourages more meaningful interactions and improves the quality of sleep.

Address conflicts prior: Avoid discussing stressful topics right before bed. Set aside time earlier in the evening to address any issues so that bedtime can be a time for relaxation and connection.

Show affection: Make it a habit to show physical affection before sleep. Small gestures like holding hands, hugging, or kissing goodnight can reinforce your bond.

Engage in bedtime conversations: It is healthy to engage in some bedtime conversations about the day, exchanging nuances, some story, something you read, or even gossip. This acts as an active bonding time, which increases the happiness and satisfaction quotient in the relationship.

Open communication: Discuss bedtime habits and their impact on your relationship with your partner. Explain to them the importance of good sleep hygiene and talk about the problems that you are facing.

Don't ignore small problems like snoring (Photo: Getty Images

Seek professional help: Address sleep disorders or issues that could be making your or your partner's sleep restless. If things go out of hand, don't shy away from taking an expert's advice.

Remember, it takes two to build a happy and healthy relationship. Regular and honest communication is the foundation of a strong bond. Beyond establishing a bedtime routine, make it a priority to spend quality time together, whether through date nights or shared hobbies.

Expressing gratitude and appreciation for each other is also crucial. Never forget that your partner is your biggest cheerleader, and you should be theirs as well.

Both physical and emotional intimacy are vital in a relationship. Make time for physical closeness and share your deepest thoughts and feelings. However, it's also essential to respect each other's personal space and boundaries.

Source: India Today