How to respond to in-laws pressuring you about kids - even in 2025

The solution to any marital problem? Baccha karlo (make a baby). No problems at all? Phir bhi baccha karlo (nevertheless, make a baby). Because, believe it or not, for some people, a married couple’s solution to all problems (and even when you do not have any) lies in procreating.

It is 2025, and while everything has evolved, some things remain unchanged—like the age-old pressure from in-laws to ‘give them grandkids.’

The subtle (not-so-subtle) pressure

Now, eventually, those stern warnings have mellowed into subtle implications (like we saw in Arati Kadav’s Mrs), but the pressure remains unchanged in most households.

It all starts with small hints like: Do you know, Mrs Kapoor’s daughter is due next month” or maybe “Oh look how cute is that baby”. Then, a level up: “We’re not getting any younger, you know.” And finally, the emotional manipulation boss level: “What if something happens to us, and we never get to see our grandchild?”

They will leave no stone unturned to convince you - Hum paal lenge (we will bring them up), budhape ka sahara (support in old age), khandaan ka waris (heir to the family lineage). Their reasons haven’t got any better but their implications have.

If your in-laws are still treating your uterus (or your partner’s) like a community project, you need to know - your body, your choice and there ways to convey it (you can take the subtle route too).

Align as a couple first

According to Dr Nisha Khanna, psychologist and marriage counsellor, the first and most crucial step is for the couple to be on the same page. Bringing a third party or a child into the picture should only happen once they have clarity on how they feel about the situation. "Having kids or choosing not to is a deeply personal decision, whether for a couple or an individual. If even one partner isn’t comfortable, parenthood shouldn’t be forced upon them," she says.

Without mutual agreement, external pressure can amplify conflicts. Dr Khanna suggests a few things to keep in mind as a couple before conveying the decision to the respective in-laws.

Comprehending the situation: Both partners must deeply understand and articulate why they do not want to move forward with the decision to have a child. It’s a significant life decision, and if they choose to delay or opt-out, they should be clear about their reasons.

Honesty: If one or both partners are not ready for a child, forcing the decision can impact not only their own mental health, but also the child’s well-being in the future.

Set boundaries without straining relationships

The choice to have children is deeply personal and should never be influenced by external pressure. Times have changed and while many may want to understand it or not, new-age couples face several unique challenges – from career aspirations and financial considerations to environmental concerns and changing social dynamics, says Dr Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist and founder-director of Gateway of Healing. The traditional timeline for starting a family has evolved, with many choosing to delay parenthood or remain child-free. Therefore, you should set your boundaries, politely.

“Setting healthy boundaries with in-laws is essential. A firm but respectful conversation explaining your personal choices can help manage expectations. Couples can say, ‘We appreciate your care for our future, but we'll make this decision when and if we feel ready,’” she says.

For the people pleasers out there: Remember, having children to please others often leads to resentment and can impact both the parents and the child's well-being.

“Instead of buckling under pressure, couples should focus on their own readiness, desires, and life goals. The key is maintaining open communication with your partner and presenting a united front when dealing with family pressure. Your reproductive choices remain yours alone – in 2025 and always,” Dr Tugnait.

Handling emotional reactions from family

Chances are that each member of the family comes from a different school of thought and have deep-seated beliefs about parenting as a natural life milestone. Sometimes, it needs patience to understand that their pressure may stem from their upbringing as well as societal norms. So, the key is to acknowledge their thought as well and not come across as insolent. Dr Khanna advises couples to respond with patience and understanding.

“We have to tell them how society is changing, how things are evolving, and what your goals are. If needed, you can have them read documentaries, books, or articles, or even watch something that highlights how this issue is impacting people,” she says.

“Boundaries definitely play an important role. However, when setting boundaries, be polite yet firm, and remain respectful. Having a child or not is your personal decision, and if you are not comfortable with it, you have every right to express that. You can also share what specifically makes you uncomfortable about the idea,” Dr Khanna adds.

Along with these, avoid getting into confrontations or dismissive replies that could escalate tensions and make them understand how important the family is to you and that you respect them.

Each partner’s role in managing family expectations

Unless and until you as a couple feel united and convinced, the conversation will fall flat. “The partner whose family is applying pressure should take the lead in conversations, as they have an established rapport and can communicate more effectively,” says Dr Tugnait.

In situations like these, couples generally avoid going to get-togethers, afraid that someone might broach the “baby topic” again, but don’t do that. Instead, create new room for discussions that naturally steer conversations away from baby talk.

“Both partners must be aligned, presenting a united message that respects family while firmly upholding their right to make personal decisions. This unified stance is more effective than any individual tactic,” she adds.

Takeaway

At the end of the day, it is your life so the choice should be yours. You want kids or not, no one else gets a vote - especially not the ones who won’t be waking up for your baby's 3 am feeding. When you fall under pressure and take a decision unwillingly, especially as big as having a baby, you might end up messing things up.

Source: India Today