Does living together before marriage lower the chance of divorce?

Being with someone you love is an amazing feeling, right? But where there's love, there are bound to be disagreements. And during those moments, we sometimes say things we've been holding back, like, "Had I known this about you, I wouldn't have married you."

The truth is, being in a relationship is different from being married and sharing a life together. With the patience levels many have these days, it's no surprise divorce rates are on the rise.

But if couples lived together before marriage, would it help the relationship? Could being in a live-in arrangement first be the secret to avoiding a split later? Let's find out from experts.

Aarti Chawla, a Mumbai-based relationship psychotherapist and life coach, tells India Today that people are giving up on marriages for a variety of reasons.

Fast-paced lifestyles, lack of patience, and low tolerance are key factors. Gone are the days when lovers waited a year to meet, convinced their parents, and wrote letters to woo someone. Now, it's easier to swipe left and right. If things don't work out, people are more willing to move on.

Chawla adds that it's become easier to find another 'option' when things don't work out in a relationship.

Financial stress is another contributor. With both partners often working and earning, financial issues can create tension. If couples can't meet the financial goals they had when they got married, it leads to disappointment and conflicts.

Meanwhile, Ruchi Ruuh, a Delhi-based relationship counsellor, feels modern society places a high value on personal growth and happiness, which can lead people to leave relationships that feel stagnant or unfulfilling.

"Divorce is no longer seen as a taboo or social stigma, making it an easier option for people," she adds. Many individuals have higher or unrealistic expectations of their partners, love, and relationships, often influenced by media portrayals that clash with reality.

Ruuh also mentions that there’s a growing recognition that toxic or unbalanced relationships can affect mental well-being, prompting people to prioritise their mental health.

Can live-in be a saviour?

"Research shows mixed results: some studies suggest that couples who live together before marriage report higher satisfaction, understanding, and stability, while others suggest it leads to 'cohabitation inertia,' meaning couples marry out of convenience rather than compatibility," says Ruchi Ruuh.

For her, the answer is nuanced. While living together before marriage isn't a one-size-fits-all solution, it can help partners understand each other's habits, compatibility, and ability to navigate conflicts.

Aarti Chawla agrees that a live-in arrangement helps couples understand each other more deeply.

"It helps them see the nuances of living together—not just as roommates, but as companions for the next 40-50 years. Mental preparedness is key. For a couple to thrive, they need to consider all areas of life, including mental wavelength, physical compatibility, basic values, and financial goals. Live-in gives them time to truly understand each other at all levels," she says.

Living together allows couples to learn each other’s routines and habits, reducing the chances of surprises down the line. In many cases, this makes divorce less likely, as the basics are in place.

The pros of a live-in relationship

Living together before marriage can serve as a compatibility check. It lets you observe your partner’s behaviour in real-life situations, including finances, responsibilities, stressful life events, and decision-making.

Sharing space can also improve communication and conflict-resolution skills.

"You learn to see your partner as a whole person, beyond the idealised version," says Ruuh, adding, "This is invaluable to understanding their true self."

Being in a live-in relationship also allows couples to break up without the fear of family or societal pressure, which can be a relief for those wanting to make the decision on their own terms.

Don't skip the downsides

However, a live-in relationship has its downsides. One major con is the lack of commitment. Often, after years of living together, couples part ways because there’s no formal commitment. This arrangement gives both partners the freedom to walk away without consequences.

Additionally, live-in relationships can attract judgement, especially in conservative societies and cultures.

Sometimes, living together can create a false sense of commitment, even when the relationship isn't solid. If the relationship ends, untangling shared living arrangements can be emotionally and financially taxing—often as painful as a divorce.

Thinking of giving it a try?

If you’re considering a live-in arrangement before tying the knot, keep a few things in mind:

• Clarify your goals: Discuss what the live-in arrangement means for both of you, including long-term plans like marriage. Clear goals keep things on track.
• Split expenses: Agree on how to divide rent, groceries, and utilities.
• Divide household tasks: Set expectations for chores and responsibilities to avoid resentment.
• Check in regularly: Have regular conversations to ensure you're both satisfied with the arrangement.
• Plan for the worst: Be clear about what will happen if the relationship doesn't work out, making any potential transition smoother.
• Respect personal space: Living together doesn't mean you have to spend every moment together. Make sure you both have time for personal interests and friends.
• Set financial expectations: List out your financial goals and expectations ahead of time.
• Discuss non-negotiables: Be upfront about what’s acceptable and what isn’t in the relationship.

If done thoughtfully, a live-in relationship can give you a better sense of whether marriage is the right step for you and your partner.

Source: India Today